Letter To A Lost Loved One (One Year On)

IMG_6122It’s been a year today since we lost you. A year since I spoke to you. A year since I saw you. A whole year! It feels like forever, but at the same time it feels like no time at all.

I was worried that I would have started forgetting things by now, like the sound of your voice, I haven’t.

Although I may not show it I miss you everyday. I just keep my feelings to myself, I always have, it’s just my way. I see people posting some lovely quotes online but I never find any that are quite right, or good enough. So I may not talk about how much I miss you,or share quotes, but that doesn’t mean I miss you any less I just prefer to write about it in my own words or keep it to myself.

It’s easy, when you lose someone, to focus on the sad fact that they are not here anymore, but I don’t want to do that. I try to focus on the time when you were here. There was a lot of memories in those exactly 26 and a half years. Remember the rolling pin incident? I will never live that down I don’t think. 🙂

I’m sure you would much prefer we smile when we think of you, than get sad. I know sometimes the sadness will sneak in though, and that’s ok, as long as we don’t let it take over and cloud over the good times.

When we lost you I decided I needed to make changes in my life, start living I guess, make you proud. You were always telling me to get out more. I had such determination, but a year later not much has changed. I am trying though. Trying to do new things, deal with my problems, get out a bit more, I’m even getting better at keeping up with my housework!

I  took myself to Vindolanda recently. It was the first time I had been by myself. It is still one of my favourite places to go. I don’t know what it is about that place, it just makes me happy. Of course it’s somewhere we used to go together as well, maybe that’s part of the reason.

I’m not sure what happens when we pass. I don’t know if I believe in an afterlife. I hope there is something more though, and that you are there, all better, and happy. Oh and of course looking down on all of us.

Of course you will never really be gone because you are still in the thoughts and hearts of your family and we will keep your memory alive always.

So until next time we meet…or I write,

Gran
I love you
I miss you

Julz xx

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